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Thursday, 19 January 2017

Life on a Bike - The Story of veteran Roadshaker, Mr. Ashok Naidu!

Did this interview in April 2012 and dug it out today.
Haven't edited it since then, but I'd love to share this story with you - it's timeless.

Thank you again, Mr. Naidu, for taking out the time to tell me about how amazing your life has been!

------------------------------------------------

Written by Niyati Bharucha

I know very well that this may sound like the first line of a very badly written movie script, but there’s something about Ashok Naidu that makes you stop and think about life. Honestly, I broke up my phone conversation with him over 2 days, and spoke to him for a total of 3 hours, and I still feel like there’s more to know. We’ll get to the hard-hitting questions later. First, you all must know, that Mr. Naidu is not afraid to say, and he is in fact very proud of it, that he talks to his bikes. He exchanges some of the sweetest and most meaningful words not only with his wife and kids, but with his beautiful Royal Enfield 1962 350cc Bullet and 250cc CZ Jawa too. It’s something I actually respect, because no one else would be open enough to admit that they talk to their tools-of-profession. Of course, he misses his family when he’s away, riding for  15 to 25 days at a time, but like he says, his bike is always his first love and it will always be a huge part of his life.
It’s surprising now to say so because of the difficulties that Mr. Naidu has gone through to be the biker he is today. I’d say the term “Roadshaker” is most apt for him. Born and brought up in Lonavala and then Pune (which is where he currently lives), Ashok wasn’t one of those kids who just took his friend’s bike and learnt how to ride. He requested his father if he could ride his bike, and for a very long time he wasn’t allowed to even touch it. It was one magical and fateful day that his father finally agreed to let him take it for a ride, and the rest is history. The bike became the symbol of who he was, and he made sure the people in his college (especially the girls) knew that! He’s been riding since 1968, which is one of the questions he gets asked the most in his interviews, and has very graciously put it up as the first line of his Info section on his Facebook profile.
Luckily, I did all my research before calling him and managed to ask him just the right questions and get some of the most amazing stories I have ever heard in my life.
His story is basically one of perseverance, bravery and a very basic happiness. “My biggest inspiration to become a biker was a movie on TV called “Mad Max” about a cop who would ride his bike around everywhere and catch bad guys… it inspired me in the days when I didn’t have a penny in my pocket!” he said with a hearty laugh at the end. Mr. Naidu obviously wanted a bike just like the one Mad Max had, but when he spoke about his father and his father’s bike, he sounded just as elated to have it. His Dad not only taught him how to ride, but also gave him his 1952 Cz Jawa which has not needed repairs since 1999.
He rode all the way to Leh, Ladakh, ‘K’ Top, Kargil, Srinagar, Jammu-Patni Top on his bikes, he’s done the Motor-Cross races and Rallies and maintains both his bikes by Genuine Engineers till today. He says, “I have to take care of my baby on my own which is a top priority. I can’t just trust any mechanic with my bike.” This is what made me ask him my next question, whether he was closer to his bike than to any person. Even his family knows what Ashok’s riding life is like. That is the balance to his personal equation.
He talks about his bike like it IS another person, a life-long companion that will never let him down, and he is lucky to have it as part of his family.
He also owns a beautiful 1962 Royal Enfield Bullet which was his uncle’s, then his father’s and now his. “It was sad when my Uncle and father passed away, but I still thank him and my father for leaving behind such beautiful things.”  He used to have one mechanic he could trust, till a few years ago when his close friend and mechanic passed away too.
The worst accident he has ever had was at a car rally in the Himalayas in 1988. How did he get to the Himalayas? He was working with Tata Motors before, and in 1983 he decided to get some fresh air for his career. He applied to the Himalayan Institute of Mountaineering where he worked for about a year. It was at this time that he heard about the car rallies and decided to participate. When he started off in 1983, he drove the Ambassador, which a nice, heavy and sturdy car. In 1986, the Maruti Gypsy had come out and he switched to that for the rest of his rallies. The rally in 1988 was the one that set him off.
Ashok wasn’t in the driver’s seat, and the chappie who was driving lost control of the car at a very crucial turn, pummeling them down 30 feet off the side of a cliff. The driver was not as badly injured as he was, and could get out of the car, but Ashok had to be rushed to the hospital. There was no water at the course, only beer, and after giving him about half a bottle (which promptly made him pass out) they drove him to the nearest medical centre. He wasn’t sure if the doctor there was crazy, or if his driver had tipped the guy off, but even though he had acute pain in his back, the doctor said he was fine and could continue the race. Here is what shocked me: he raced for another 6 days continuously, curled up in the passenger seat in a “C” shape, and found out only after returning to Pune that he had fractured 6 vertebrae and was advised 6 months of bedrest. This was one of the few times that Mr. Naidu was out of his game, and by this point, he had covered a total of 21,610kms and had finished all his MotorCross and Car rallies successfully.
Most people would stop here. One motor accident would scare them into giving up their dreams, settling down with a nice desk job, and living the life of an average human being. But Mr. Naidu is no average human being. He got back into the circuit in 1990 and took part in the Vintage Motor Cycle Rallies in Pune, Mumbai. Nasik, Hyderabad.
Till about 2000, it was pretty much smooth sailing. He restored his Jawa in 1999 and resumed Rallies the next year, but at the end of the year on 25th December, 2000, he had a heart attack while he and his wife were out at a friend’s place, and because of his angioplasty in 2001, decided to keep a low profile and stay home more till about 2004. His biker-sense then started tingling again!
Another story that I’m most thankful to hear from Mr. Naidu was his 2005 trip to Ladakh. If you’re an avid traveller, you already know that the slopes and the mountainsides of Leh and Ladakh are so steep that one can’t climb them without facing a great amount of difficulty. Well, Mr. Naidu went up those slopes with an entire pack of bikers!
The trip came to a total of more than 4000 kms, and they did an average of 350kms a day. If this wasn’t enough to make my jaw drop, Mr. Naidu went on to tell me that he went up the steepest, most slippery slope all alone; just him and his bike. Here’s the story:
He took his Uncle’s 1962 Royal Enfield for this ride, and when he got it, his dad told him that it was manufactured in England, and this is the bike that he learnt how to ride on, and also the bike he took to college to show off with to the girls!
Clearly, the bike was nothing less than lean, mean and butch. It withstood every slope, every curve and every U-bend of the mountains. It not only helped him get through some of the trickiest terrain in the world, but made him do it without a single problem. His Pune co-bikers weren’t very happy about this trip though, because he decided to do it with the team from Mumbai. But to Mr. Naidu, a bike ride is a bike ride. It’s not about who you go with, it’s about you and your bike, and making sure that no matter where you are and who you’re with, at the end of it all, they’re all bikers and must stick together.
The ride went from Ladakh to Manali, through the Rohtang Pass, into Leh, to Khardunga Top, down to the Numbra Valley, back to Leh and then all the way to Kargil in just 4-5 days. This is what he says about the terrain, “…and it was so windy, it was such a tough ride, the pine trees were bending horizontally, but we still pushed on!” About 40 km before they reached Leh, he encountered his first difficulty- one very, very steep slope. He smartly tweaked the carburettor on his bike when he realised it wouldn’t climb, and caught up to his group in just a few hours! I don’t lie when I say Mr. Naidu is not an average human being. I don’t believe anyone would have thought of changing something in the middle of nowhere, all alone.
The proceeded to Kargil and then Srinagar where they stayed on boat, and also had the opportunity to explore the rope-way, which is a bridge over a valley or river made purely out of rope with a particular trekking technique to cross from one end to the other. People were right when they said bikers were adventurers at heart.
This trip became even more memorable for Mr. Naidu because of a beautiful place he visited in Jammu, called Patni Top, and he very strongly advised me to go visit. In fact, he even mentioned that it was one spot in the world that everyone must see in their lives.
The only other trip that came close to this one was his ride from Calcutta to Bhutan in 2009.
He had even ridden from Ooty back to Pune in one night just before this trip.
His longest ride at a stretch, however, was from Tawang to Guwahati during his Bhutan ride, where he covered 786 km in one night.
By this point, he had told me about almost all his big trips in great detail, and even his little rallies and how he was punished by his mother for going for a race without her permission! Out of sheer awe, some disbelief, and a lot of curiosity, I asked Mr. Naidu, “Is there any place in India that you haven’t travelled to?!” This question actually spiked his enthusiasm further (which I didn’t know was possible because he sounded so upbeat through everything) and he told me that he’s never been to Nepal and Gujarat, but he’ll be visiting the former on 21st September this year (2011). About Gujarat, he had only one thing to say. “After my ride, I have to have my drink at the end of the day, it is most important. But Gujarat is a dry state!”
Through our conversation, Mr. Naidu didn’t once give me a chance to let my mind wander. I’m a huge bike fan, so I never needed to ask him why he chose to ride those old, now-vintage bikes instead of new, more advanced ones (this was the second most asked question through all his interviews!).
Honestly, I’m so glad that he reciprocated with the same enthusiasm I interviewed him with, and he didn’t hesitate to give me any of the “gory” details. There was one question that I just had to ask him and I’m going to quote right out of our conversation.
“So when I interviewed BulletWala Chris Harlen, I asked him a very important question: “On a bike-ride, how many pairs of underwear do you usually carry, and how many would an average biker need on one of these long rides?” to which he replied, “Underwear? Real bikers don’t wear underwear!” What’s your advice on bikers and underwear?”
Mr.Naidu, of course, let out a huge laugh when he heard this, but still answered my question with complete sincerity! “Oh, I’m a real biker and I can assure you I wear underwear! It serves as an abdomen guard and is part of riding gear, for God’s sake! It holds “everything” together! Just like you need good jackets, thick pants, if you don’t wear underwear, your balls will just get squeezed! It’s important to carry many pairs even if you don’t carry other clothes. To you, it is like having your tools for your bike- the spanners, spark plugs, accelerator cable, basically anything that can wear out. So you really do need the underwear!”
The best part of our conversation was the fluidity. Moment he had finished a story, I had a new question because of what he had just said. His statement “I’m a real biker” led me to my next: What does it mean to you to be a biker? Can you sum it up in a few sentences?
Mr. Naidu had some trouble with this. He said it had been so long and such a wonderful time that a few sentences were just not enough, and I completely believe him because we had been talking for about 2 hours by this point!
“I’m a passion rider,” he said finally,”when I decide to go somewhere, nothing and nobody can stop me.”
Again, I didn’t blink an eye before penning down his statement. Just the fact that he has completed about 2000 kms on an average on every trip, on bikes that are twice MY age, is enough to tell me that he did not only achieve everything with the bikes that he was given, but he did it in style and completed every single adventure and ride. He’s finished some of the toughest stretches of land in record time, much quicker than people with newer bikes. “Life was not easy, but I got through all of it very well. It’s been just incredible for me.”
My next and final question to him was, “What was your biggest achievement? Was it a trophy or award, or was it just an experience that you will never forget?”
Of course, Mr. Naidu chose the last one. He said his brush with fate in 1988 was his biggest achievement. He believes that to date, no other man would have been able to complete the race and withstand that much pain for 6 days. “Sitting in the passenger seat curled up like a baby and then having to race is not just any man’s job!”
Something else that he really feels for is finding his old friend’s lost bike in Pune, and his bike was also stolen (and recovered) in 2005 so he completely understood his friend’s pain and did everything in his power to bring him the bike. Unfortunately, his friend passed away 2 weeks later, and Mr. Naidu said that it could have been out of sheer excitement of having it back! That’s how much he loved that bike!
So it hasn’t been an easy, smooth ride for Mr. Naidu, but you will never see him without a smile on his face (at least not in the photographs with his bikes!) and for the 2 days that I was in touch with him, he never once dropped the excitement in his voice, or his desire to tell me more. Mr. Ashok Naidu is definitely MORE than an average human being. He’s a biker. A Roadshaker from Pune: A true legend!

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

No.

Would you turn around
If I tapped you on your shoulder?
Would you say hello
If I suddenly got colder?
Would you call me back to see
If I would stay?

Would you take my hand
If my smile got smaller?
Make me dance
If my eyes got duller?
Would you wait with me
Until the crowd went away?

For all the times you say yes
All I hear is no.
The voices in my head tell me
To turn away and go.

Could you hold me down
When I can't get closer
Tell me how
It's okay to be sober
Keep me dry when my eyes
Won't let me feel?

Could you hold me down
When I can't get over
Tell me how
It's okay to be sober
Keep me dry when I don't know
How to deal?

Would you walk with me
In the rain for hours?
Would you talk to me
If I hadn't showered
Would you drown with me
If I complained about my day?

Would you sing for me
So my love feels lighter
Keep me warm
So my eyes stay brighter
Would you tie me up close
If I want to run away?

For all the times you say yes
All I hear is no.
The voices in my head tell me
To turn away and go.

I see you from where I stand
And I don't think you'll ever know
How much I want to tell you
That I can never let you go.

So for all the times you say yes
I don't really know.
Will you tell the voices in my head
To please leave me alone?

Could you hold me down
When I can't get closer
Tell me how
It's okay to be sober
Keep me dry when my eyes
Won't let me feel?

Could you hold me down
When I can't get over
Tell me how
It's okay to be sober
Keep me safe when I don't know
What is real?

For all the times you say yes
All I hear is no.
The voices in my head tell me
I can never let you go.

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Today.

Today is not an easy day.
The necessity and reluctance of the morning seem minuscule compared to the weight on my chest, like an implosion moving clockwise mimicking the hands of my watch telling me how late I am, pulling any sense of self confidence or strength into a wormhole that would only close if you were here. While I sit at my desk, constantly telling myself that the cameras in the lobby are on and I need to keep it together, I can only wonder what it would be like if I started my day with the smallest amount of you.

Today is not an easy day.
Marking off tasks and meals one by one, hoping it will keep me from thinking of the emptiness that exists without you, is offering me a joy and distraction that is so fleeting and temporary that even the rain outside my window seems to be laughing at my attempts of drowning out your voice in my head. Packing away my things to begin my journey back home, from my quiet, lonely work space that I share with 200 people, makes me wonder what it’s like for you right now.

Today is not an easy day.
Walking out of my gate and onto the street, my headphones cooing into my brain; every step sounds like a shovel digging deeper into my conscious need to hold you warmly in my arms again. Rejection from 5 different taxis and the panic of realising that I may have dropped my phone somewhere outside my office building, but didn’t, drives me to wanting a tall, cold, bitter cup of coffee – the ones I love in the morning and you can’t stand the smell of. I wonder if you will ever share another coffee with me. I bought hot green tea instead.

Today is not an easy day.
Dragging my wet shoes into the house, the weight on my chest has now radiated down my legs and into my ankles, leaving muddy trails behind me that I know I will regret the next morning when I have the energy to clean it up, makes me stare blankly at the empty space between me and my walls, which I can only imagine to be filled by you, standing with a broom or a hug. Instead, I take off my dry clothes and footwear that felt like they were soaked in the storm that was my day, hoping that a hot shower will make me stop wondering if you are happy where you are (and if you are happier than me).

Today is not an easy day.
I wrap my towel around my shoulders to shield my chest from any more feelings of impending doom and/or shivers of realisation that there’s a chance that you’re not coming back.  Laying down, still wrapped in nothing but a cloth that serves as an excuse for protection from circumstance, my eyes can only see flashes of all the things I could have done, and should have done for you, with you. As I drift away into my ceiling and beyond, I wonder what tomorrow may hold for me when I do this routine all over again, and whether you have a routine like I do.

Today is not an easy day.
Reluctance swirls into necessity at 2AM, and as my body slowly sinks deeper into my sheets, hoping instead that it was engulfed by your smell, I am thankful for the few moments that you showed me the true meaning of having another half to end my average, not so dramatic, relatively good and productive day that has merely been overcast by hunger, anxiety and slight amounts of natural imbalances in body chemistry. Subconsciously planning for my next day, I can’t help but wonder if you are warm at the end of yours.

Today was not an easy day.
But I know that there is a new day.
There is always a new day.
And maybe this new day will be kinder.
Or it won’t.
But I know what I have to do.
I know what my mind can make, I know what my heart can take.
I know that I must carry on and do it all over again, because that’s what we all do.

My final thought is of hope that it’s been an easier day for you.

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Underwater.

Can you see
This canopy of diamonds
City lights that feel wild,
Washing us steadily ashore.

Here we are
Anchored by our bones,
Mossy feet slipping underneath,
Dancing across a wreckage we own.

Closer by the wave,
Away from our shores,
Your calm before my stormy sea.
Your nature before my calamity.




Friday, 30 January 2015

Giving In. Giving Up.

A fleeting memory she was to you
You said,
And I gave in again
Somewhere a broken bridge
Still burns
And you turn and walk away

What will become
And who am I, to start this?
What will become
And where are we going to end?

Remembering the storms she was
You hurt,
And I give in again
Somewhere a broken heart
Still remains
With fragments of the pain

What will become
And who am I to stay here?
What will become
And why did we even begin?

A fleeting memory I’ll be to you,
They say,
And we give in again
Somewhere a broken dream
Will burn
As we turn and walk away

What will become
And who am I to you?
What will become
Of what never came true?
Will there be a forever
In another life
Or will we find each other
Within this sphere of time?

Somewhere a broken bridge
Still burns
Somewhere, you turn...

Thursday, 29 January 2015

Inertia.

Maybe it’s just a phase
Or maybe it’s for real
The heart just wants what it wants
Maybe it’s just enough
To let the pieces fall away
But I cannot bear the thought

Now we’re flying clocks
We’re ticking bombs
Waiting for something to stop us
And we’re falling stars
Chasing hopeless hours
Tearing at each other’s faults

Inertia carries us forth
So can you be my external force?

Maybe it was the place
Or how we made us feel
Hearts, they don’t know what they really want
How can it be the end
When we’re still right at the start
I still cannot bear the thought

Now we’re flying clocks
We’re exploding like bombs
Waiting for something to stop our faults

Inertia carries us forth
So can you be my external force?

I don't know where you've gone
Or what went wrong
All I know is I'm not the one
Who can stop us from falling
Or see where this is going,
I'm blindly holding on

Now we’re flying clocks
We’re ticking away like bombs
Waiting for something to stop us
And we’re falling stars
Chasing hopeless hours
Tearing at each other’s faults

Inertia carries us forth
So can you be my external force?
Can you be my eternal force?
So inertia can carry us forth.

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Honestly, I love you.

I hope you feel happy
When you speak with me
Because honestly honey
You’re a calamity
Your whiskers are too rough
Harsher than your pokey touch
And honestly baby
You’re a catastrophe

But then you hug me when I cry
And you’re so sweet when you say bye
It makes me hurl out all my lunch

But then you kiss my well blushed cheek
And you snarl at all the other freaks
It makes me have to thank you a whole bunch

So I hope you feel happy
When you’re out with me
Because honestly honey
You’re a calamity
You smell like an old man’s sock
And it doesn’t make you give a fuck
So honestly baby
Stay a little bit away from me

But then you hold me when I’m low
And tell me all the great things you know
It makes me feel all warm like goo

And then you kiss my cheeks again
And you’re really better than all the other men
You just need to have a shower… or two!

Now I really feel happy
When you hang out with me
Because honestly baby…
We’re both calamities.


Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Solid Gold.

Pretty pieces of my world
Fall at your feet
Quivering for the last and
Final time

As I climb out of my sheath
A crescent of me shines
Flickering for the last and
Final time

Delinquent then
My criminal intent
Leaving behind me a river I let run
Withering I am
In remembrance
Of the strength of a broken crown

If silence is golden
Will you be my Midas?
Hold on to my pieces
And solidify my past?
Would you make me a garden
Put golden flowers where I lay
So my metal moulded slumber,
Saves me from my disarray?

Resilient then
Emotionally obsolete
Leaving behind me a river I let flow
Drowning I am
In sounds of the end
I pray you take my broken crown

If silence is golden
Will you be my Midas?
Will you seize the chaos around me
And solidify my past?
Would you make me a garden
Turn the flowers gold from grey
So I can sleep tonight, forever,
Free from my disarray?

Broken pieces lay around
The earth below me breaks
To open up a bed
Upon which I take my place
Reach your hand
Towards mine
And I smile as I see
The end.

My silence is now golden.

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

You Make Me Sing to the Radio.

Coffee and shows
In the summer,
And the snow,
That I hold on to let go.

Those few memories
Feel like enough,
Until we run out
Of ground beneath us.

What can we do
when it's not like before?

I close my eyes
Let them roll
Pick up my towel
And play the radio

So what do I do
When I'm not there anymore?

You make me sing
For every little moment
That we don't share
Each drop stings
Like I'm leaving 
You again

So I pick up my towel
And play the radio
And I hold on
While you let go.

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Something Destructive.

Two guys were talking.

"Man, did you read that poem? So depressing, but so beautiful."

"Yeah, I read it. You know, some of the most beautiful things come out of the darkest places."

"I agree. I wonder what he went through to make him write that..."

"Something destructive for sure."

"You're a writer, right? So, would you destroy a part of your life to fuel your creativity?"

"No." he said, "No way dude." and then took the last drag of whatever they were smoking before adding, "but I don't need to. Some of this, and I can write pretty well. Come on, let's get back to work."

Tears of War.

When battles are fought
and war is won
Who cares to think
How it begun?
When bravery is mistaken
And fear is met
And kings and queens
Pretend to revel in death

When does it strike?
The common sense -
Without love, we're lost
In bloody silence
We will never unite
And never be free
No matter our chants
To whatever deity.

So stands it still
In the world today
These queens and kings
Are not gone away
They're simply names
for those we know
Or how we feel
And how far we'll go
To destroy ourselves
Or hurt our loves
Over misunderstanding
And childish shoves

After all these years
And lessons still taught
You'd think we'd learn
From those who had fought,
You'd think we'd learn
About bonds and hearts
And how easy it is
A war to start

Such pain, such fear,
Ne'er seen I before
As this loss I feel daily
And will forever more.
Such pain, such fear,
Ne'er has gripped me before
As this loss has daily
And will forever more.

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Lost Hope.

Strewn across the floor
Lay these words
Like broken glass
And I walk upon them barefooted
Hoping the pain will slowly pass

You're standing at the end
So close and yet
So far away
My feet still take me boldly
Hoping this pain will go away

Any light of hope still burning
Lies only within me
You're still there
But you've turned your back
Hoping you won't see

Trails of me behind
The floor of glass
Now scarlet sand
Fear still knives my spine
Hoping I'll crumble where I stand
With every point and pierce
I wipe away my façade
I cry away my pride
I tear away my guard

That light I held on to so far
Is fading along with me
You're still there but
You've turned your back
Hoping you never have to be
Okay with the real me

Shreds of my soles lay waste
Upon the bloody floor
Have I done all I can today?
The further I drag my feet
The further you move away

Now strewn across the floor
Is a red river
And pieces of me,
As I walk upon it bare
Nothing left of me to tear
Hoping you will care to see
That all that was ever there
Was all of me.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

One Winter.

Step by step by step,
I run away,
I run toward
The thunder.

And break after break,
I sew away,
I sew myself
Together.

It's lonely where I spin,
It's empty sounds I hear,
Hollow songs,
How things went wrong,
An age of broken winters.

Drop by drop by drop,
I fill my hands,
I wash my hands
In the river.

And memory upon memory
Gets swept away,
Gets swept into
My discomfort.

It's lonely where I spin,
It's empty sounds I hear,
Hollow songs,
How things went wrong,
A home of broken winters.

Now it's quiet where I spin,
It's silent when I swim,
Hollow songs,
They're sung all wrong,
As I drown in the warmth
To end the life of this winter.

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Hands.



Look at your hands that hold your world…

With every page we turn
from one day to our next
they’re there to guide us through

to button our shirts on that big day
to show us love in a simple way
they create the bonds we cherish
and come together so we can hope for better

And with every blessing we receive
with every sip of water we need
it’s our hands that give us the power
to go through life’s every hour

The craft, they create, they mend and mold
they take the time to help us unfold
our opportunities, our celebrations
and all the important things we need to hold

They give us the power to work wonders
they hold our guiding light
And with a little time and care
Let’s give them the power to fight.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

*Wrote this for a cause that I've come to be familiar in the last week.
We lose one child in the world every 20 seconds 
due to digestive and respiratory tract infections. 

Simply washing hands with soap can help save over 
500,000 children under the age of 5 every year.
I had to write this, and I had to share it with you.
Please pass it on.*

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Wires in your Pocket.

Thanks for this beauty Tanvi Madkaiker
See the original image here.
You can't run
Your fingers through my hair,
You can't see the tiny tears
We leave upon the bed.

Still I stay like the sun,
Black and gold stained sheets,
Still in the quicksand,
A tragedy entwined,
Like the threads on your sleeve.

We are like
The wires in your pocket,
We are like the ends of my hair,
The more we are together,
The more we wind around each other.
Because we're like
the wires in your pocket,
Like old shoe laces left,
The closer we are together,
The more tangled we get.

Still I stay like the sun,
Black and gold stained sheets,
Still I stay like the sun
Spinning still slowly,
Dusk after dusk,
Dawn after dawn.


Tuesday, 4 June 2013

"Racing on a fault line."


Such a cliché
When they begin to say
That the littlest tears can create an entire sea.
Four days unfound,
And four months beyond
Control over any semblance of sleep and sanity.
This is not what I had planned
for me.

My shoes are torn,
Clothes, over-worn,
Soaked like the sea in wet, wet salt.
This is how it ends
When you make amends;
Is this how it screeches my bones to a halt?
Is it all, like you say, 
all my fucking fault?

Then tell me now,
Where are my shooting stars?
Those pretty lights descending on you all
Promises and wishes that are due to fall?
Are they coming here at all?

So tell me now,
Where are my pieces of gold?
That big red button to end it all,
With only my skin to stop my fall.
It was never mine at all.

I refuse to believe,
I deny every word,
So you watch me waste away,
These swollen words unheard.
I'm running too fast.
I'm not fast enough.
Look, look closer,
Look at the ground open up.

I said look, look closer, to the ground opening up.



*Title taken from lyrics of MUTEMATH song, Stall Out. 
Thank you for the inspiring music.*

Saturday, 5 January 2013

Carousel of Nothing.

Trust -
Made of glass, not stone.
Withered and worn.
Tattered and torn.
Dragged along the floor
And thrown in some corner
Along with feeling, empathy and common sense.

Who's next?
Who's next to sit on this carousel of nothing?
That's all there is now
To find and take
To bend and break
To match your fake
Complimenting all the empty words you clutch in your pockets.

Seats
All laid out just for you.
To enjoy the final show.
To happily misconstrue.
Dance to teach them how it's done,
How to trickle in to fill the costumes
Cut out of transparency
That hugs the soul and defies nature when they wear it.

Thought
Escapes all those who enter now.
Filling an abyss with apathy.
Somewhere there are questions
Like lost sounds.
Floating to surround.
Wrapping their tails round.
But somehow missing a neck.

If this carnival has been fun
Return when you're done
We'll throw stones at each other again.
Or next time we'll have guns
For faster, better, bigger wounds
Because anyway, there's no more blood left to spill.

Monday, 12 November 2012

Heroes.

It felt like the clouds were passing through her. In fact, that was exactly what was happening. She tugged her jacket and pulled the red woollen skull cap down to cover her ears. This walk alone may not have been such a good idea. But then again, like Mohit said, "Convenience is for the weak."

They had all left about two hours earlier on the rented bikes. Khushboo simply decided to stay back with Lara since she was sick. It was warmer now, but Lara's health wasn't getting any better and her Mum finally had to pick her up and take her back to their hotel. No matter how much fun they made of her, she was lucky that her parents decided to accompany them "from afar"! Mohit would definitely have something to say about this, she thought.

Four kilometers was taking her more effort to walk than she had estimated. Tired and out of breath, she sat down. She took out her phone to see if they had tried to contact her. Only their message from when they reached flashed on her screen. It was from Varun's phone but she knew it was Mohit.
"We've reached. I know you losers are going to ditch. Can't even travel a little bit outside the city without breaking a nail! We'll see you tomorrow, weaklings. A big get well soon from the real men over here haha!"

She hated when he got like this, when he behaved like a hero over something so pointless. He did it so often now. She also hated that it affected her, and that she gave in and kept trying to prove herself without saying anything about it. Anyway, he never cared even if she did manage to accomplish the task. His usual response was "Of course she can do it. Whose girlfriend do you think she is? My girlfriend is no weakling, okay!"

She had to get moving again. Sitting was only making her colder. She was scared though, not because of the cold but the mist had settled and she couldn't see beyond three feet in front of her. This walk alone was definitely a bad idea...

She took three more steps before stopping. She was exhausted, drained, and sick of being on a damned mountain alone. She took a deep breath. At least she tried to. She saw some sheep through the fog coming towards her, with a shepherd right behind. She tried to breathe again, which is when she realised she couldn't.
She looked at the sheep again, wishing she had that kind of energy... and wool.
And then, they all just started fading away.

The last thing she saw before passing out was the shepherd running through the flock towards her. She had already put her hand out, and then crumpled to the floor.


* * *

"I can't fucking get through to her phone! If she's gone back with Lara, I'm going to be so pissed. What chickens."
Mohit had been trying to contact Khushboo for an hour. "Stupid mountain with stupid network issues!" was his favourite line that day. And to make it worse, they finally got the news.

The young shepherd had run in, sweating (yes, sweating even in the inglorious cold, out of fear and panic). Hurriedly, he told the manager that a girl had collapsed nearby. He found a picture of her and Mohit in her wallet and remembered seeing him and the group come into the shacks earlier that day. The manager immediately took him to the group who had just come to the main cabin for lunch.
"She resting in my friend house nearby. I know the family many years. I take you." he said and motioned for them to get up.
They all abandoned everything, leaving their keys with the clerk/waiter/housekeeping servant/only other person working there. Varun slapped Mohit on his head "How could you let her stay back alone? Asshole."

Mohit didn't think she'd "be stupid enough to come on her own", and he only sent her the message from Varun's phone so that she wouldn't take it seriously. He held her hand, saying sorry to her over and over again, in his head. That was the most he could do to make himself feel better till they got there.

It wasn't working.

* * *

The fever and fatigue finally wore off three hours later, but Khushboo didn't know that.
She had suddenly gone from seeing sheep, to staring at an old Nepali woman dabbing her head with a wet cloth. She couldn't even tell if it was hot or cold. She was just thankful that she woke up somewhere that looked safe.
"Khushboo? Fuck, I'm so sorry! Please, don't wake up, don't worry, you're fine! We're all here now. Hey guys, she's awake! Get the food ready! Khush, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry!"
Mohit hadn't hugged her like that in a while. His warmth was welcome, and suddenly made everything worth it.
"Why did you come alone? Why didn't you go with Lara? We were just joking, Khush." Mohit kept asking her, guiltily, till Varun came in. "YOU were just joking, Mo. Don't bring us into this! You should have stayed back man! I'm so sorry Khush, we'll all stay next time." Varun sat by her. "I'm so sorry sis'. I'll slap this guy next time he leaves you like that! Actually, I already did. If it makes you feel better, should I slap him again right now?"

Till that point, it was too much for Khushboo, till she heard her brother's voice.
She smiled a bit and finally said "No, Varun, I'm fine now. Just give me a minute okay?"
He nodded and left the little room.

She hugged Mohit.
He couldn't help but feel even worse than he already did.
"I'll never do that to you again. I promise, I'm never leaving your side. Why did you decide to be such a hero? Why did you even bother? I was just being stupid, you know me! Next time, please tell me if you're going to attempt something like this! God, Khush... I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm so glad you're okay." he whispered to her.

In that moment she realised what her anger wouldn't let her.
Without him, she wouldn't even have the courage to do half of what she had done in the last few years, she wouldn't be as strong as she had become. Without him, she wouldn't have ever seen something as beautiful as sunrise in the Himalayas.
"Without you, I wouldn't even be halfway to okay. I'm sorry too. And there won't be a next time. I won't ever leave your side either." she said.

* * *

Sometimes, it takes a fragile moment to fix something that's broken.
And sometimes, just maybe, we could use a little extra care to prevent fragile moments and broken hearts from being there in the first place.

"The clouds, they cleared. The sun, it shone once again."

* * * 
Credit:
Thanks to Malathi for the beautiful tweet that inspired this story 
- about clouds in Sikkim that pass through you.
Thanks to Mihir for this breathtaking photograph to compliment these moments 
and complete my piece.
 
And finally, thank you Arjun, for being the one to open my eyes to the best of me 
without ever leaving my side or putting me in a shitty situation.
 I'm more than thankful to have you in my life. 
I feel so loved.